{"id":225,"date":"2020-09-17T16:39:23","date_gmt":"2020-09-17T16:39:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blessedfeed.com\/?p=225"},"modified":"2020-10-15T15:52:30","modified_gmt":"2020-10-15T15:52:30","slug":"breastfeeding-at-40","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/blessedfeed.com\/?p=225","title":{"rendered":"Breastfeeding at 40"},"content":{"rendered":"
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My mom and sisters sometime in the mid-1980s<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

My little, middle sister just had her first baby. \u00a0 My first nephew.\u00a0 She turned 40 years old this year, 2020.\u00a0 She didn’t ask for my advice.\u00a0 She didn’t ask for anyone’s advice I imagine.\u00a0 I am not sure why.\u00a0 I finally told her it was irresponsible not to seek prenatal care.\u00a0 She cried. \u00a0 A friend once told me that she was the sister I should be worried about.\u00a0 I wasn’t.\u00a0 My mom scolded me for making her cry.\u00a0 That I was being too judgmental. \u00a0 I sent her insurance information via email as she wasn’t working.\u00a0 Maybe COVID swayed her decisions.\u00a0 Maybe not.<\/p>\n

Her first doctor’s appointment was probably around 34-36 weeks gestation.\u00a0 She had high blood pressure and was admitted to Harper Hospital in Detroit.\u00a0 She texted me, “you were right, I have high blood pressure they are going to induce me.”\u00a0 After labor started and I called her, she starting asking for my advice.\u00a0 She was 5 hours away from delivery. \u00a0 She was finally a captive audience.\u00a0\u00a0 Alone in a hospital about to have a preterm baby during the COVID pandemic.\u00a0\u00a0 I taught an impromptu class on labor.\u00a0\u00a0 I asked her how she planned to feed the baby.\u00a0 She told me she’d try breastfeeding.\u00a0 I told her that she needed to decide.\u00a0 Either she is going to breastfeed or not.\u00a0\u00a0 She is gifted at being tough and stubborn, that is really all you need to get through labor (and breastfeeding).\u00a0 That night, she delivered a 5lb3oz baby boy.\u00a0 He was healthy.\u00a0 Her blood pressure returned to normal.\u00a0 I warned her about how she would be treated by the hospital staff.\u00a0 She knows.\u00a0 Maybe that is why she didn’t seek help earlier. \u00a0 Mom and baby were discharged 3 days later. Thomas she calls him.\u00a0 She did finally ask for my vote on a name.\u00a0 She texted “Thomas or Spencer?”.\u00a0 Thomas!!! was my response.\u00a0 Thomas, the tax collector who became a disciple of Jesus. Thomas, was also our great-grandfather.\u00a0 He came to Detroit as a Polish immigrant.\u00a0 He died when my grandmother was a child from TB and silicosis due to poor working conditions.\u00a0 His children went by the name Roble, instead of Wrobleski.<\/p>\n

I don’t think my sister or anyone in my family really knew what I did for a living or why.\u00a0 She met an re-known, professionally recognized African American\u00a0 IBCLC, RN at Harper Hospital.\u00a0\u00a0 My sister said, “She is great.\u00a0 She is helping me.\u00a0 Thomas is learning to breastfeed. \u00a0 She is just like you.”\u00a0 My sister never asked my advice, but she did see me struggle through the past 11 years of parenthood now with me well into my 40s.\u00a0 The loss of income and career has been the biggest struggle for me.\u00a0 I cried after hearing that I was great like this “GREAT” IBCLC.\u00a0 Going from having a financial security of my own making to one at which I was completely dependent on another. \u00a0 Going from being a health “professional” to just a parent.\u00a0 I am ashamed to say that tears run down my face every time I admit to this.\u00a0 I went from having a full-time job I was passionate about to being a stay-at-home mom dabbling here and there in the working world for encouragement. \u00a0\u00a0 I did choose this.\u00a0 I asked my 2 week old son’s successful, business owning physical therapist if children benefit from a stay-at-home parent.\u00a0 I was working full-time still and would come home on my lunch break to breastfeed.\u00a0 Family helped me keep my job because we needed the great “government job” health insurance.\u00a0 The family help didn’t last, once I had a second, “healthy” child.\u00a0 I was pressured to stay home.\u00a0 My job wasn’t important.\u00a0 My husband worked.\u00a0 I am one of a privileged generation of women who did have a choice.\u00a0 My grandmothers and great-grandmothers didn’t have a choice.\u00a0 Pam, the therapist, answered somewhat defensively, he’ll do fine in daycare.\u00a0 I asked this same question to many of my mom’s generation of\u00a0 mothers, “working mothers”. \u00a0 I decided that I could always “work”.\u00a0 I could never get back this time with my small children.\u00a0 I choose to be a homemaker and full-time mom.<\/p>\n

My sister never asked my advice.\u00a0 She did watch me.\u00a0 She watched me struggle feeding my first born.\u00a0 He spent the first 2 weeks of his life with a feeding tube. Due to a heart condition and\/or cognitive impairment he didn’t show vigorous, instinctive feeding behaviors.\u00a0 She watched me pump and pump and pump.\u00a0 The rest of the day was skin to skin and attempting feeds through lots of tears.\u00a0 Those tears were both his and mine.\u00a0 I lived and worked in Ypsilanti, Michigan for public health encouraging working class parents to raise healthy and thriving kids.\u00a0 I remember a mother so mad at me.\u00a0 I told her breastfeeding was best.\u00a0 I wasn’t breastfed.\u00a0 Maybe I was being judgemental.\u00a0 It was just too emotional for me at that time. \u00a0 I spoke without being careful.\u00a0 I had to believe that, because I was putting so much energy at that moment into being successful.\u00a0 I didn’t know how to raise healthy or thriving kids.\u00a0 I did believe in what my colleagues said about breastfeeding and preventative health.\u00a0 I did believe what I saw when interacting with thousands of families on what to do and what NOT to do. \u00a0 I never met a family who didn’t love and strive to provide the best care for their children.<\/p>\n

My kids are all in elementary school today.\u00a0 My youngest in kindergarten. \u00a0 I dropped them off this morning with masks and healthy lunches.\u00a0 I read to them 30 minutes last night.\u00a0 My eldest, read to me.\u00a0 I still don’t know if I know how to raise healthy, thriving children. \u00a0\u00a0 I am still learning. \u00a0 My sister watched me.\u00a0\u00a0 She watched me successfully breastfeed my firstborn (and second and third).\u00a0 She watched me quit my job so I could take him to every medical appointment, therapy session, attend every IEP meeting and constantly advocate for him.\u00a0 And really he is not my high-need child.\u00a0 \u00a0 I was there when he got on the bus in the morning to when he arrived home.\u00a0 It is 2020.\u00a0 Our life didn’t change at home much since the pandemic started.\u00a0 Although we were stressed as my husband lost his job and spent 2\u00a0 months full-time trying to find a comparable one.\u00a0 A job a one-income family could live on. \u00a0 I made the choice to stay home.\u00a0\u00a0 I think a lot about the money I am not being paid, the insurance and benefits I don’t have.\u00a0 The retirement pension I would’ve been eligible for next year.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yet, I think also about the trials I would be going through if I had continued working full-time.\u00a0 My kids didn’t return to school last week behind. \u00a0\u00a0 My eldest can talk, read, and ride a 2 wheeled bicycle.\u00a0 We live in rural Michigan now, working from home and remote, online learning isn’t even an option here.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I am lucky to make a successful phone call. \u00a0 They won’t install a land-line and we live in a wireless desert. \u00a0\u00a0 I received paper work packets once a week from their teachers.\u00a0 \u00a0 We worked through them together. \u00a0 I miss their presence. \u00a0 So, I called my sister today.\u00a0 I told her that I will check in on her daily regarding breastfeeding because that is what I do with my clients. \u00a0 We can take one day at a time together. \u00a0 Thomas and her are doing great.\u00a0 She is so happy being a mom.\u00a0\u00a0 She told the hospital IBCLC that I would be her breastfeeding “coach”.\u00a0 That is quite a privilege,\u00a0 to be sure.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My little, middle sister just had her first baby. \u00a0 My first nephew.\u00a0 She turned 40 years old this year, 2020.\u00a0 She didn’t ask for my advice.\u00a0 She didn’t ask for anyone’s advice I imagine.\u00a0 I am not sure why.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/blessedfeed.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/blessedfeed.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/blessedfeed.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blessedfeed.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blessedfeed.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=225"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"http:\/\/blessedfeed.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":312,"href":"http:\/\/blessedfeed.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225\/revisions\/312"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/blessedfeed.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=225"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blessedfeed.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=225"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blessedfeed.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=225"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}